Well I'm sitting here, listening to the rain fall, thinking over the past 2 weeks of being home. And I can't help but wonder- does everything really, truly happen for a reason?
I'm gonna take the time to sit here and really think through this. Four months I spend at AU during my spring 05 semester. And I want to do one thing- get back into better shape and lose the unnecessary weight I've acquired as a result of not being an athlete anymore- and I can't do it. I can't bring myself to cut the beer/alcohol, to eat better, to work out. 4 whole months. And then I come home, and I'm all revved up and all into the whole diet thing, and I lost 7 pounds in 6 days. This is in a 1.5 week span.
Or you spend 2 years in high school with a lot of people, but we're talking about one individual in particular at the moment. Now in that time you're never really good friends with this person; you know of one another, never hang out, you're friendly. Then, off to college, and one summer there's a kiss- the next, there's more. You don't see this person ALL year until you come home and out of boredom begin speaking to each other again. But you don't really know how/why you talk because you were never really close to begin with.
What makes these things happen? What was the big change in me to all of a sudden be motivated to lead a healthier life? What force in the universe happened, what planets shifted so that he and I got together?
I hope you see what I'm getting at. It's all so very random; the timing of it all. But is it, really? Maybe things happen, and happen when they do, all for a reason. Maybe I just wasn't ready for a lifestyle change during the semester. And while I don't have hardcore feelings for said boy, maybe it was just something that needed to happen.
I don't really know if any of this makes sense. It's all about waiting for the right moment. There is a time and place for everything it seems.
I'm not going the God route with this, if you have noticed. While I do believe there is a God up there, I'm not really completely sure if I believe He's the one behind this all.
It's all rather confusing. I'm sitting here, trying to figure it out, and not really getting anywhere. If this is true, what about being at the right place at the right time? I mean is it all by chance that the things that happen to us, do happen?
We do have some control, obviously. I mean I picked where I wanted to go to college- after they decided if they wanted me of course. I pick what I look like, how people view me, what I want to major in. Maybe there is some sort of pre-ordained design for all of us. But we can change it, finagle it the way we want to.
What about all those people out there who go for their "dream," and don't succeed? Is this because they were never really meant to do that?
I think I have to stop at this point. I don't feel like I'm making progress. It could be a moot subject.
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