A Year Wiser....?

Here I am. 21 and smarter. Been seven months since I last updated this blogger. I intend to use this one more often, as my xanga is read by entirely way too many people, and I am unable to be truly sincere there.

Well, it's now my second semester as a junior. In an attempt to graduate on time, I'm currently taking 6 classes, and ready to pull my hair out as a result.

This semester is not going swimmingly. Not only do I have 6 classes, I am the treasurer of my sorority. Not sure what I was thinking. Another thing to add to the resume, I guess.

I used to be so on top of everything going on in my life. Like, really got things done. Now I go to sleep feeling defeated every night, and frustrated at the fact that there is so much left to the next day. I want to wake up and be accomplished.

I close my eyes. I have the sounds of the ocean playing on my Itunes. Don't think I'm one of those people, it's very relaxing.
As I said, my eyes are closed. I am brought back to the beach, St.Marten, December 27th, 2005. I'm sitting under an umbrella, the beach is quiet, listening to the water make its way back and forth, in and out. A Carib lager is in my hand. Life is wonderful I have not a care in the world. I can feel the sun on my feet as they stick out from under the protection of the umbrella. It's a comforting feeling. Knowing that there is nothing but ocean, soft sand, and and sun keeping me company as I remember why I love to be alive.

I'm never so much at home as I am when I am on the beach. I want to live in the Caribbean. I want to own a beach bar and have a wonderful husband and live a wonderful life, meeting tons of people and having great friends right where I live. I want to look out to sea every day, and know that life is amazing.

Writing this all, I can feel my hear getting heavier. I miss it so very much. My friends don't know me the way I am when I am home. How you can live there and come back north, it's beyond me. I'm doing a great job of it, but. I'm thinking of saving my money and just going somewhere. Just making friends when I get there to stay with. Taking risks, being rebellious of my parents.

Makes me think of Yusuf from South Africa. I should email him again and see whatever happened to him. I hope I'm not responsible.

Now I'm sitting on the deck of the ship as we pull out of St. Marten, the sun setting on the horizon. The deck is quiet now, and it's just me wrapped in my towel and listening to my music.

That is what life is all about. Those moments. I need to cherish them more.